


The Afterlife of Equius Zahhak

by asiafish



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7858993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asiafish/pseuds/asiafish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The untold story of Equius Zahhak and his jouney to self-discovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[6 hours, 12 minutes, 00 seconds remaining]

 

The sylph ordered the mechanic to produce the prosthetics from his inventory. He obeyed and skillfully fastened the cybernetics to the patient’s bloodied torso, connecting wire to nerve, tube to vessel, metal to skin; all with the utmost care. Sweat dripped down his face - even more so than usual - as he worked. At the end of the operation, the patient’s blood loss was great, but the surgery was an overall success. The boy would survive.

“Equius,” said the jade-blood. “If you could, please take Tavros someplace where he can recover peacefully, away from all the ruckus in here. I will stay and tidy up the mess.”

“Understood… However,” the heir began sternly, pointing a finger in her direction. “Do not misinterpret my compliance as a submission to the orders of the likes of you.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Kanaya assured, with relaxed sarcasm.

Equius nodded, then lifted the unconscious boy and swung him over his shoulder. “I will take him to my and Nepeta’s private quarters, where we will monitor him until he awakens.”

“Uh-huh! Don’t worry, Claw-naya! We’ll make sure he’s safe!” Meowed the excitable Heart player, who had come bounding to Zahhak’s side.

Kanaya smiled warmly at the cutesy cat pun used in her name.  
“Splendid.” she chimed. 

As the two moirails began to take their leave, Maryam called for Equius’ attention again. He stopped and turned to face her. “Yes?” 

Kanaya studied his phlegmatic expression for just a moment before responding. 

“This was a very significant act of kindness on your part...” Her tone was not of gratefulness or praise, but of subtle speculation. 

Detecting the skepticism in her voice, Equius stared back and retorted flatly, “It was in his best interest. I act only to benefit our party.”

With that, he exited the crowded computer lab with Nepeta following close behind. The eight other trolls witnessing the gruesome operation returned to their own business – some shaken, others not – save one squeamish mutant-blood, who had fainted atop a pile of bicycle horns.

Equius and Nepeta traversed through the large expanse of the meteor, hiking across long hallways, entering and exiting transportalizers, and tackling staircase after staircase, all the while exchanging playful banter. A brief silence emerged between them and Nepeta pounced on the opportunity to scratch an itching question.

“Hey, Equius…”

“’Hay’ as in the crop?” Equius inquired with subtle, nearly undetectable humor.

“Uh… sure.”

“Excellent.”

“Yeah, Equius? Why did you build those legs for Kitram?”

Equius paused. “What kind of question is that?”

She cautiously pushed further. “Well… I know you’ve built robot parts for our friends befur, but why Tavros?”

“I do not see your meaning.”

“Well, you made Vriskers a new arm because the two of you were in cahoots, and you made Aradia a new body because you were flushed for her. But then… Tavros…”

Equius sighed. “Nepeta, like I've said before, I design prosthetics for others when it benefits the greater cause. My personal relationship with an individual does not dictate whether or not I will aid them. If asked, I will provide. Now, we are done with this topic.”

The cat girl gave a little ‘harumph’ and continued walking beside the other in silence. 

Just a moment later, the more muscular of the two trolls looked down at the napping Tavros Nitram, who was hanging limply over his shoulder. The boy’s face was hidden, facing down, but Equius could tell that he was sleeping soundly, breathing softly, possibly dreaming… 

But, after all, that was all this lowblood was good for; napping and being utterly useless.

Once the three of them had reached their quarters, Equius gently laid the sleeping fudge-blood down on his work table. Nepeta peeked over the edge of the counter curiously, whisking her tail from side to side.  
“When do you think he’ll wake up?” she asked.

“Hopefully, within the hour. He lost a decent thirty percent of his blood. We will have to wait for his body to compensate.”

The olive blood looked at the patient in awe. “It’s purretty amazing that he survived!”

“Yes. I never expected that Kanaya could be so delicately skillful with such a cumbersome weapon.”

“Well, I bet Tavros is stronger than any of us might have thought!” she remarked with a smile.

“Nitram? STRONG!?” Equius scoffed. “Don’t say such preposterous things. A feeble lowblood could never endure such an operation upon sheer willpower. Especially not him. It was my own aptness for surgery that gave him his chances at recovery.”

Nepeta pouted and looked up at her stubborn friend. “Why do you always have to be such a sourpuss?”

Equius ignored her comment, grabbing a stool and placing it beside the table. He then picked up one of the stray robot parts off the floor and began polishing it with a towel to busy himself. The disgruntled Rouge moseyed away from the table and sat before one of her tea sets, still frowning.

Zahhak glanced at Nepeta over his shoulder, and rolled his eyes at her juvenile behavior. He turned back and his gaze rested on the boy lying on his work table. He watched for a moment as Tavros’ stomach rose and fell at a slow and steady pace. The light copper blush was gradually returning to his cheeks and his body twitched as he dreamed. 

A tiny warmth flickered in the blueblood’s chest. Whether it was thanks to the skill of the surgeons, or a secret strength of will, Equius was glad that Tavros would live.

It would have been a shame to see those magnificent legs go to waste.


	2. Chapter 2

[4 hours, 13 minutes, 59 seconds remaining]

As golden tears dripped down his face, Captor silently watched as that sad, pathetic freak scrambled on the floor, gathering the shattered metal scraps of his precious creation. The blueblood was murmuring empty reassurances to himself, saying he could fix her. He could put her back together. He wouldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t lose his matesprit.

_His_ matesprit.

What a total crock of shit.

Sollux’s saddened tears steadily turned into tears of anger. Holding his glasses in one hand, he clenched his fists and shook with restrained fury.

Once Equius was cradling as many robot parts as he could carry, he stood up and scowled in Soullux’s direction. He strode quickly and heatedly over to the mustard-blood and shouted at him, an inch away from his face.  
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!” he boomed. Sweat sizzled off of his heated skin. He bared his cracked, imperfect teeth and huffed like an enraged animal. Nepeta stood a few feet away, ready to pounce on him at any moment.  
At the sound of those words, something inside Sollux finally snapped. 

He had kept his mouth shut about Equius and Aradia’s relationship since the beginning. No matter how wrong he felt it was for them to be together, he stayed out of it. No matter how much he missed Aradia, he did not intrude; it was none of his business!  
Aradia had hardly said a word to him since those two started going out, so he figured, it technically wasn’t even Aradia anymore. She was a tin can. A scrap of metal. And after all, robots don’t have feelings.  
But now things just didn’t seem to add up. Wasn’t it strange that she knew she would explode right then? Strange that the only time she had spoken to him was to say goodbye? Strange that the only time he ever saw that robot smile was when it approached him with one last embrace…?

Maybe that was Aradia in there. Maybe it had been her the whole time.  
Then, maybe it wan’t entirely Aradia’s choice to be with Equius. Aradia said goodbye to Sollux. She offered her last hug to Sollux. If she could still feel anything – if she could still feel flushed emotions - she certainly wasn’t flushed for Zahhak… was she?  
Whether the two of them were caliginous or flushed, it just couldn’t have been her choice. God, the pain she must have felt, being forced into such a relationship…unable to feel anything for others… lest she self-destruct…  
Sollux’s mind began racing, jumping to insidious conclusions and forming the darkest of assumptions. His vision blurred with rage.

_‘That sick manipulative fucker!’_

“WHAT DID _I_ DO TO HER?!” he erupted. “WHAT DID _YOU_ DO TO HER?!”

Equius was briefly taken aback. “What are you talking about, you filthy peasant-blood?! How dare you speak to me like--”

“YOU KNOW DAMN FUCKING WELL WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! YOU PROGRAMMED HER TO BE WITH YOU! YOU TOOK AWAY HER OWN FREE FUCKING WILL SO YOU COULD HAVE HER FOR YOURSELF! DIDN’T YOU?!” His screams where mangled by his lisp, and his adolescent voice cracked under the force of his volume. “IS THAT WHY SHE NEVER SPOKE TO ME? DID YOU RIG HER TO FUCKING EXPLODE IF SHE TRIED TO SHOW ANYONE ELSE ANY GODDAMN AFFECTION?!” He began to feel his throat ripping as he yelled, and his words became more incoherent as he sobbed. “YOU SELFRIGHTEOUS FUCKER!! THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING IN FOR YOU, ISN’T THERE!? BENEFIT THE PARTY, MY ASS!!” 

He shoved Equius with his lanky arms, but of course, like pushing against a brick wall, it didn’t do much good. Sollux stumbled backward, but caught himself before he fell. He straightened up and covered his face in embarrassment.  
Then for a while he stood there, shaking, and quietly sobbing. His heterochromic glasses were still clutched tightly in his left hand, in danger of breaking. His respective color dripped onto the floor in the form of tears and he bit his lip in attempt to silence himself and steady his breathing. Sollux could feel all the eyes in the room stabbing at him. The churning emotions in his heart swarmed around his brain like angry bees.

Finally, the yellow troll took a deep breath and attempted to collect himself. Of all the raging thoughts in his mind, he settled on one that would finally put him at ease. 

“What did I do?” He whispered. “Hell… If anything…” He lifted his head up and looked directly at Equius, not with hate, but with bittersweet gladness. “I think… I might have just freed her.”

Equius stood shell-shocked. Speechless. His face twisted between rage, sorrow, guilt, and resentment. His arms shook, and wrapped tighter around the scrap metal they carried. He repeatedly opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.  
The lowblood, wiping his eyes, continued with a dry laugh, “You really are a pathetic piece of shit, Zahhak.” With a sniffle, he turned away, back towards his computer station. He placed his glasses back on his face and pushed them up the bridge of his nose with his index finger. He leaned against the counter with his palms on its surface, and said, “Why don’t you do everyone a goddamn favor and fuck off.”

As Sollux stared blankly at the computer screen, he heard the other troll quickly abscond from the room, followed by Nepeta’s light, scurrying footsteps. A few moments after they were gone, he looked over his shoulder to see the other members of his party staring at him in disbelief. He turned away again. He sniffled once more, and with that, all traces of his outburst were erased. His voice was again its arid, humorless self.  
“The hell are you idiots gawking at?”

~ ~ ~

Equius captchalogued Aradia’s pieces and bolted through the meteor to retreat to his quarters. Nepeta was running after him, but her presence went unnoticed. The blueblood’s mind was too clouded with the deafening ringing of Sollux’s words, and the crippling reality of his matesprit’s death, to be aware of the rest of the world.

The hallways and staircases passed by him in a blur. He could see nothing but Aradia’s face. That beautiful craftsmanship. Ruined. Her lips, the perfect indigo blue, _his_ indigo blue, were now a pile of rubble. His masterpiece. Destroyed.  
He thought to himself; he could rebuild her body. He could make it even more gorgeous than before. But… blast it! What’s the use without her soul to fill the void?

His stunning, blueblooded Aradia. Gone forever.

Equius finally arrived at his block and fell to his knees in the center of the room. For a moment, he stared blankly at the floor, breathing heavily. He felt nothing, yet everything. The world was distant, yet constricting, and he struggled desperately to fill his lungs.

The boy’s eyesight was hazy, and he lifted his head to look around the room, trying to regain his bearings. He then noticed an empty chest sitting against the wall on the other side of the room. He got up and staggered over to it, practically collapsing as he knelt down before it.

Like a rigid machine, he began placing the different robotic parts in the chest delicately, one at a time. His movements where stiff and his expression was insipid. The only indication of his internal grief was the little crease on his forehead where his eyebrows furrowed.

Nepeta caught up to him at last and stood panting at the bottom of the stairs. She stared at her heartbroken friend as he continued to take no notice of her. Out of respect, she did not try to get his attention. Instead, she quietly took a seat on the bottom step of the staircase. She watched Equius with an aching sympathy in her heart, and had to look away to stop herself from getting emotional.

The rattling of metal suddenly silenced, and Nepeta rose her head to see why. Her face went pale when she saw Equius holding Aradia’s disembodied head in his hands.  
His shoulders began to quiver and his breathing became audibly uneven. Abruptly, he placed his forehead against the robot’s, denting the metal. He opened his mouth to speak but instead let out an involuntary sob.  
Nepeta immediately rushed over and kneeled down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Equius hugged the head against his chest as tears ran down his cheeks. He tried with all his might to conceal his emotions, but as his moirail began rubbing his back comfortingly, he lost his grip.

“Do not look at me.” He pleaded with a restrained whimper. “Don’t look…” He turned his face away from her to hide his obvious vulnerability. The olive blood ignored his orders and brushed his hair behind his ear with her fingers.  
Though Equius refused to show his face, he made no further protests against Nepeta’s presence beside him. The gentle rubbing against his back steadily broke down his armored exterior, and, in the safety of moirail’s company, he did something that only Nepeta was ever allowed to witness.  
He willingly let go, and cried.


	3. Chapter 3

[Approx. 2 hours, 50 minutes, 00 seconds remaining]

“A furrocious and concerned moirail suddenly appurrches out of some wild shrubberies!”

“I regard the furrocious moilrail stoically. Er… I mean… I greet Ms. Leijon without issuing a statement of action in the first person.”

Equius and Nepeta were sitting together in a pile of scrapped robotic parts, engaging in lighthearted roleplay. Although it had already been some time since Nepeta had managed to lift her friend’s spirits, she could not shake her worriedness about his wellbeing.

“Ms. Leijon pawnders over whether Mr. Zahhak is still feeling blue over his depurrted robo sweetheart and needs more cheering up.” She proposed.

“Mr. Zahhak… I mean I, will probably be feeling blue about that for some time, yes. But he is - - darn it, I am, exceptionally STRONG and will cope with it admirably.” He then paused thoughtfully and frowned. “Even though… she didn’t even say goodbye…”

His cat-companion pouted. “Well… We can always curl up in the pile again to talk about feelings!” Nepeta reassured gleefully.

“Nepeta, for goodness sakes, a man can only discuss his feelings for so much time. How long have we already spent in the robotics pile?”

“Ummmmmmmm…”

“I believe it was at least an hour. We examined my emotional state until we were both blue in the face.”

Nepeta giggled. “Hee hee hee hee!”

“What?”

“Blue, blue, blue, blue… I just love how you say that word!”

Equius smiled and twirled his hair shyly. “I know.”

Just then, the blueblood’s shaded glasses lit up with his message notifier.

“Who is it?” Nepeta asked.

“… It’s Vantas.”

Equius immediately built his reserve back up, as he was sure that if the leader of the group was contacting him, the conversation would require his utmost professionalism. Even so, it wasn’t long before the exchange had made him somewhat aroused due to Karkat’s unrelenting forcefulness.

“What’s going on?” Nepeta further questioned.

The shameless elitist wiped the sweat off his brow as he answered. “It appears that the Highblood has at last embraced his position on the hemospectrum.”

“What do you mean?”

“According to Karkat… The Highblood, along with Ampora, and most likely Vriska, are each on some sort of murderous rampage.”

“What?! Do you mean that… Do you mean our friends…”

Equius paused, hesitant to present the gravity of the situation. He turned to his comrade grimly.

“Feferi, Kanaya, and Tavors have all been confirmed dead.”

The mid-blood looked back at him in disbelief. “No… That can’t be!”

“I’m afraid it is.” 

He could not help but show his own distress over the matter. His fellow teammates, whom he had just seen not long ago, were all suddenly dead or homicidal? Just like that? The reality of it didn’t hit him until he heard him say it himself.  
Even though it was all very shocking, neither the death of Kanaya or Feferi seemed to affect him more than the idea of Tavros being killed. It wasn’t surprising that someone so weak would fall victim to murder, especially if it were at the hands of Vriska or Gamzee. However… wasn’t Tavros that same boy whom he had just abetted? Equius, just earlier the same day, was so glad to see that Tavros had survived. 

Tavros had expressed immense gratitude toward Equius, spouting heartfelt Thank You’s left and right through joyful tears. His enthusiasm gave Equius a greater sense of pride than any of his past projects ever did. He supposed that he too was grateful; grateful that he had the opportunity to help someone with such an appreciation for his work. Even if that someone was a lowblood.

…But what did it matter now? Yet another masterpiece destroyed… and in the span of mere hours. He wasn’t sure how much more of this tragedy his heart could take. However, there were more important, pressing matters at hand.

“Nepeta, I think it would benefit us to address the extreme danger of this situation in a serious manner.”

“You mean about Gamzee… I’m not sure I can believe it…”

“That’s because you still refuse to look upon our bloodlines as the deciding behoovioral factors they are.”

“Behoovioral?”

“Behavioral.” He corrected. The more nervous he became, the more horse puns muddied his sentences. Equius began dabbing the sweat off of his skin using the hood Nepeta gave to him as a makeshift towel. “Sorry. My heart is galloping and I canter nunciate properly. The horst case scenario is upon us.” Nepeta snorted at her friend’s excessive puns. Though she too was shaken up by the weight of the situation, she couldn’t help but be lighthearted as usual. “His is the richest and most noble blood possible among the high land dwellers.” Equius continued. “As such, he is prone to being more violent and unpredictable than any of us.” Equius slipped a proud, yet awkward smile. “Unfortunately, not everyone has been as lucky as I in the domain of moiraillegiance…” His grin disappeared as he went on to say, “I udder to think what I might be without you, Nepeta.”

“Udder?”

“Shudder.”

“Oh! That’s so sweet, Equius!” Nepeta chirped. “You know I will always be ready to tackle-pounce you when you start getting especially furrious.”

“Yes, which is among the reasons why I must make your protection a high priority. The Highblood has joined a stable of those who are becoming increasingly volatile and murderous as we remain stranded in this laboratory. I command you to steer clear of them, do you understand?”

“Hee hee! Did you mean steer in the livestock sense?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you’re refurring to Vriskers, I was already plenty scared of her!” Nepeta said as the hair on her neck and tail stood on end. “And if you are talking about Mr. Ampurra, he has always given me the creeps anyway! So there is nothing to fret over!”

“Excellent. I will now seek the Highblood, Nepeta. I command you to go hide as we discussed.”

“Sure! But there are lots of nuts on the loose out there, so don’t stick your neck out and take any big frisks!”

“I will exact caution, even when safety looks to be one hundred percent assured.” He hesitated. “Even so, I would like to take the chance to say…” 

“What?” Nepeta smiled.

“Goodbye.”

Ms. Leijon was silent for a moment, as if to take in what she had just heard. However, she quickly recovered and responded cheerfully, “Well, okay! Goodbye! But you had better believe I will see you again soon, Equius!”

“Yes, you will.”

And with that, they both went their separate ways.


	4. Chapter 4

[00 hours, 00 minutes, 00 seconds remaining]

“Aradia, here’s the deal,” Equius typed. “Now that the game has begun, the plan will be modified slightly. We will not be co-leaders of the blue team. I alone will be the leader. Is that understood?”

ApocalypseArisen replied in her rust-colored text; “That’s fine.”

“Good… Wait,” the other hesitated. “You have no objection? Are you sure?”

“No, I’m okay with it.”

Sweat began beading on the blueblood’s forehead. “Do you… typically embrace such a passive attitude when your superiors give you orders?”

“I don’t usually receive orders from superiors or otherwise, but really it’s fine.”

The blue-blood paused. “Hm.”

“What?”

“Something is… off.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing... I just feel as though, somehow, I knew you were going to say that. It’s as if we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, and, for some reason, I feel like you were about to imply something rather erotic in its repulsiveness. Perhaps that, you possess some sort of power over me?”

“Could that something be that, as your server player, I can manipulate your environment to help you advance through the game?”

“Ngh…” Equius struggled to keep his reserve at the thought of it. “Yes. That is… exactly what I knew you were going to say. But, how is that possible?”

“This is a memory.” She replied bluntly.

“I see… Am I dreaming?”

“Unfortunately for you, no.” 

In that moment, Aradia, in her new god tier garb, appeared in Equius’ respite block in a sudden blur. Though she conveyed dreadful news, hearing her voice could not have made the void player more delighted.

“You’re dead, Equius.”

He turned in his chair to face her. “Aradia..?” His head was messy with confusion and excitement; seeing Aradia there in his room, but being presented with such a startling fact. “I… I’m dead…” Somehow, he found himself able to accept the explanation wholly.

“Do you remember now?” Her face was solemn, much like the permanent expression her robotic shell once had. Only now, she glowed with life, and had a radiant beauty about her. She was more alive than Equius had ever seen her.

“Yes.” He answered, slowly standing up from his seat. “I remember. I went off to confront the Highblood. However, I could not bring myself to oppose him.” Looking to the side, at nothing in particular, he added, “The last thing I can recall is his exquisitely bloodthirsty face, and a pain in my chest… and my throat…” He raised one hand to his neck and gazed up at the other troll. “I believe I let him strangle me.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“No.” Equius’ face lit up. “It was wonderful.”

Aradia’s eyebrows furrowed and she cracked an unsettled smile. “Um… Okay…”

For a moment, the Heir found himself unable to look away from the maiden standing before him. He tilted his head slightly and his brows turned upward in adoration. “Aradia,” He breathed.

“Yes?”

“May I say… you look… unequivocally beautiful.”

She turned her head away uncomfortably. “… Thanks.”

“You don’t know how delighted I am to see you again.”

“That’s, very kind of you, Equius.”

“Yes, It is.” He smiled. He stared at her, letting his eyes roam up and down her person, unaware of how uncomfortable he was making her.

Aradia turned her body to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. “Anyway…” She muttered. The rust-blooded girl tried to push back her desire to leave immediately; she had to get done what she came here for. “We are in a dreambubble.” She said. “It’s a place where Sgrub and Sburb players without a dreamself… well, dream. It also serves as a sort of hereafter for the deceased.”

Equius finally snapped out of his trance and tried to find the words to respond. “Oh, Er… Does that mean… Does that mean that those who were killed – Kanaya, Feferi, and Tavros – are here as well?”

“Yes, but from my knowledge, Kanaya survived.”

“Oh… I see… then, do you know where the others are?”

“I’m afraid not. Every ghost tends to awaken within their own fabricated memories, much like this one. After that, they could end up wondering around anywhere. They might even be in an entirely different bubble. It took me quite some time just to find you.”

“You came looking for me?” He grinned a sweet, crooked grin.

Aradia sneered irritably. “Yes, but not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.”

“Oh my goodness, how could I have forgotten?!” Too distracted to take note of her comment, Equius suddenly took an urgent step toward her. “What became of Nepeta? Is she alright?”

The lowblood stared back at him worriedly, and said nothing.

Equius’ voice became desperate. “She’s okay, isn’t she?! I demand that you tell me this instant!!”

“I…” Her gaze fell to the floor. “Im sorry.”

On the verge of grabbing her, He took yet another step forward. “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!”

“AFTER YOU WHERE KILLED…” Aradia rose her own voice to match the other troll’s out of frustration, but then calmed herself, and brought her volume back down. “After you were killed, she… She tried to attack Gamzee on her own and…”

At this, the boy took a few steps backward, and shook his head in disbelief. “No… NO!” He slammed his fist on his computer desk, causing it to cave in and topple over. Aradia flinched. 

“THAT FOOL!” Equius thundered. “I ORDERED HER SPECIFICALLY NOT TO… I TOLD HER TO STAY HIDDEN!!” Hunched over and shaking, he grabbed both sides of his head with his hands. “Nepeta, you…! You foolish, foolish girl…”

Aradia remained silent, and turned her eyes away from the grief-stricken troll. She had no words.

“Do you, by any chance,” Equius managed, through great emotional strain. “…know where she is?” 

The Time player answered sternly, bracing herself for the possible backlash. “No.”

Equius muttered a profanity, shaking his head and turning his back to her. “I have to find her.”

“I understand.”

“Will you help me?”

Aradia paused, and her face twisted with dread. “There is… a reason I came to see you…” Her words trailed off as she witnessed Equius’ head turn slightly to the side, to show that he was listening. She gulped. “I felt as though, that the least I could do, was welcome you here to the afterlife. And offer to you what I didn’t before my own death…”

Hearing the final words before they were spoken, Equius spun around to face the other fully. “No…” He whispered.

Rust-colored water beaded in the corners of Aradia’s vibrant eyes, and her breathtaking features twisted with overwhelming pity. “Goodbye.”

She turned her back to him, and took off into the vastness of a distorting sky on fluttering wings.

He watched her go, without verbal protest, and his body erupted with anguish. He took a wobbling step forward, and stretched his hand out in her direction. Between his outspread fingers, he saw the form of his former matesprit shrink as their distance grew, and then lost the strength to support his own extended arm. He stood silently, fists clenched at his sides, and staring down at his shoes.

A single phrase rung in his ears, and he couldn’t help but agree.

_“You really are a pathetic piece of shit, Zahhak.”_


	5. Chapter 5

Equius couldn’t tell how long he had been wandering through that distorted plain of existence. Time was irrelevant here. With no tools to measure it, the very idea of time might as well not exist. The Dream Bubbles were vast and ever-expanding; or at least, that’s how it seemed. As one would travel through it, their surroundings would constantly warp between memories and scenes from the past. Scattered throughout the bubbles were hundreds upon thousands of ghosts. Their numbers were so large because each of them was a copy of the person’s original self; a splintered identity that had died in some alternate failed timeline. When Equius learned of this - by interacting with his own ghosts - he, for the first time, felt insignificant and unimportant. Was he really just a product of a doomed timeline? A tiny mistake in a whole dimension of mistakes? Was there really an alternate version of himself out there, one that was still alive, one that had not failed as he did? Or, was he himself the Alpha Equius? Was dying foolishly at the hands of the Highblood his ultimate fate? These questions were mulled over endlessly in Equius’ head as he traversed through the afterlife. The only thing that kept him going was finding Nepeta. His Nepeta. The one from his timeline, and the one he had to beg the forgiveness of. 

On his travels, the Heir came across a familiar memory; a room of metal walls and floors, strewn with disassembled robotic body parts and tea sets. It was his and Nepeta’s private quarters on the meteor! Perhaps he would find her here?

On the work table, there laid a troll that Equius recognized, but was not the one he had hoped to see. The troll sat up and turned his head to look at the other boy.

“Oh, uh... hi, Equius!” Tavros greeted meekly. 

Disappointed, Equius turned his head away and said nothing.

“Uh…” the lowblood hesitated. “What’s wrong? Do you, remember this place too?”

“...Yes.” Responded the blueblood after a prolonged, cold silence. “This was my workspace on the meteor. What are *you* doing here?”

“Oh… Uh, I…” Tavros stammered under the pressure of Equius’ icy tone. “From, uh, from what I remember… this is, the place where you and I, uh, spoke, for the first time?”

“Hm.” Equius retracted his menacing glare for a moment as he considered this. “Yes, I suppose it is. This is where I brought you after fastening you with your prosthetic legs.”

“Th-that’s right…” Tavros’ face brightened a little. “If I remember that, and you remember that, then, that means, this could be a shared memory. It means we could be from the same timeline.” He went quiet in anticipation of what the other troll’s reaction to this might be.

Equius looked the other boy in the eyes, examining his expression. “Then, you are the one I built the legs for. And the one slain by Serket.”

“That’s me.” Tavros smiled in a melancholy way. “Wow, it’s, uh, it’s nice to meet someone who remembers.”

Equius relaxed his body slightly. “Yes… I suppose it is.” It wasn’t up until now that he met a ghost with a ‘shared memory’, someone from the same timeline. A glimmer of excitement rose in his blood pusher, and to hide it, he asked another question. “Have you, by any chance, met others in shared memories?”

“Well… I did meet Vriska in a memory of LOMAT, but, uh, I had to get away from her. It was… uh… kinda painful being around her.”

“That is understandable. If I met the Highblood here… I’m not sure how I would be able to handle it.”

“You mean Gamzee? What… uh… what happened?”

“... I do not want to talk about it.”

“Oh, uh, okay, sorry.” Tavros’ face twisted in what looked like confusion, or even pain, as he went quiet.

An awkward silence rose between them.

“I must be going.” Equius said finally.

“Huh? Why? Where are you going?”

“None of your business.”

Tavros recoiled, then asked, “Could it be that, uh, you’re, looking for someone?”

Equius shot him a surprised glare.

“I ask because, I’m looking for someone too. It’s not like, there’s much else to accomplish around here…”

Equius was silent.

“So, uh, who are you looking for?”

“... Nepeta.”

“Oh. Right, uh, that, makes sense…” Tavros’ face became saddened. “Did she, you know… get… um…”

“Killed? Yes. She is dead.”

Tavros flinched. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to um…Uh…” He stammered. “Maybe I, uh, maybe I could help you find her?”

“I do not need any help.”

“Oh, um… okay.”

Equius turned and began to leave, then Tavros hopped off the worktable and onto his feet. “Wait!” He called out. “Please let me come with you.”

“Why in blue blazes would I do that?”

“I…” Tavros gulped. “I don’t want to be by myself again.”

Equius turned and studied Tavros as he stood there, looking down at his feet and gripping at the hem of his jacket.

“I guess, we can never really be alone in the Dream Bubbles, with all the millions of ghosts around,” the bronze-blood continued, “but, it hasn’t been until now that I’ve met a friend who remembers what happened to me. It’s not the same, talking with ghosts of friends you think you know, but have entirely different experiences.” He paused. “I know you don’t like me, Equius, but, still, I, uh… I consider you one of my friends. And, meeting you like this, makes me pretty happy. I’m, happy to see you, even if, you aren’t happy to see me.” A heated blush was forming on Tavros’ cheeks as he spoke. “So, please, uh, I, um, could we, maybe, hang ou--” Equius quickly interrupted him with a solid “Fine.” and began walking away. Zahhak did not look back to see if the other troll was following him, but could hear his footsteps close behind.

Besides Aradia, Tavros was perhaps the most tolerable lowblood. He was mild and quiet and friendly. He wasn’t brazen, or lewd, or foul-mouthed like the others. Although his stuttering was obnoxious, he was reasonably tolerable. If there was any troll that Equius wouldn’t mind being around him, it was Tavros. Not to say that Equius was happy to have a peasant following him around. Of course not. But if it *had* to be a filthy no-good peasant, he was glad that it was Tavros.

Well, not that he was *glad* but…

Nevermind.


End file.
